Saturday, November 17, 2007

Fun With Tailgaters

Drivers Who tailgate (Drive, like six inches from my back bumper, at highway speeds) drive me bonkers, but also provide a lot of oppertunity for entertainment.

  • The Candy Assault weapon: Peanut M&M's make the most terrifying sound when a handfull of them bounce off a windsheild. If M&M's unavailable, chocolate covered raisins are an OK substitute. I used this all the time when I had a motorcycle.
  • Say Cheese: Have a passenger climb into the back and take a bunch of photos of them (or pretend to) It makes them really paranoid. This is especially effective if you or they have a obviously "wasta" car.
  • The Brake check: (Don't do this if there are kids in the cars, pedestrians nearby, or if there is any other traffic in the vicinity... Obviously) slow down... slower... let them get reeeeeeal close. Now! Slam on the brakes. Give yourself five points for a swerve, ten points if thier tyres squeal, and if they actually hit you, Spray paint a little stencil shape of a car on your quarter panel to symbolize a confirmed "hit"
  • The Stalker: Slow down until they pass, And wave, with a BIIIIG smile. Then follow them at a distance to where they are going. When they arrive, jump out of the car and pledge your undying love for them. Act really weird and desperate. Hug them if they'll let you close enough. Mention something about how friendly the world outside the institution is. etc... (Note: I haven't tried this one in Oman yet, but it got great reactions in Europe)
  • If you happen to be on a road with speed bumps, and happen to bebeing followed by a saloon car or a sports car, speed up a little, tell your passengers to hang on, and rocket yourself over the speed bump without braking. Not seeing the speed bump coming, they usually run right into it. The results are usually hysterical, and expensive for the guy following. We do this a lot on the road in MQ by starbucks / british council.
  • If your car haas a back windsheild squirty thing, take it apart, and readjust it to squirt out and onto the car following. A friend sugggested filling the lines with paint thinner, or ink, but I think it would eat the rubber and plastic fittings. We reccomend water for safety and versitility.

Next week, mostly harmless parking lot pranks to play on inconsiderate parkers / dear friends.


sythe said...

You made water come out of my nose when I read your 4th suggestion... The Stalker!

Must remember to not drink when reading your blog.. :D

I personally like to use the break check or the speed bump trick myself.... There's not many benefits to driving an 18 year old Land Rover... but having a fool hit you because they were tailgating and you were checking your brakes.

JP said...

Excellent suggestions Suburban!

I always wanted to find an Arabic version of the bumper sticker
"Caution - I brake for hallucinations"

Often a good idea immediately after the brake check to hit the gas, and to tell the cops afterwards that you thought you saw something on the road...

I hate those bastards too.

Suburban said...

Sythe, JP, THa brake check is my favorite. WHen I get the beast up and running again, I"m gfoing to install a switch that discinnects the brake lights. WHich should add a whole new dimension to the brake check game.

I love the idea of an "I brake for hallucinations" Sticker. Maybe in Urdu and Hindi as well.

saintbumper said...

Here's a product that "KILLS TAILGATERS ON CONTACT".