Cruel tricks to play on New arrivals, Part 2
Him: Salam Alaykum!
Me: Wa Alaykum Salaaam!
Him: Kef Halish, Kabir?
Him: Kabir, you know, because I respect you...
Me: Kabear means cow. Have the guys in IT been teaching you Arabic again?
Him: Uh huh.
The security guys have been watching too much ESPN...
Me and a newly arrived female friend are pulling up to the security gates. All four security guys pour out and blockade the road in front of the car. All together the four do "the Mexican wave" like in a football stadium. They have clearly been practicing.
Nasser: Hala! Suburban! We are breakdancers!
Me: Guys, that is awesome!
Nasser: We learn from American football. Superbowl is coming.
Me: Cool, tape Bud Bowl for me.
Nasser and other guards: do the wave again, blow kisses.
Newly arrived Friend: You have an interesting relationship with those guys
Me: You don't know the half of it....
We don't eat the house pets around here.
At a friends house, admiring thier newly acquired pet tortoises...
Us: Neat, they're so big!
Host: They can grow to eighty Kilos.
Bartie, the HouseMaid wanders over for her first look...
Host: Do you like them Bartie?
Bartie: very good. making you too much strong!
Host: (stunned silence....) Hmmm?
Bartie: After making soup and curry not need any injections!
Us: (muffled laughter)
Host: Bartie, these are pets, like the cat! We don't eat the cat, please don't eat the turtles.
Bartie: OK sir. (looking crestfallen)