TO: Suburban Muscat
FROM: The Department of closing the roads and making your life hell three times a month.
RE: Sultan Qaboos Street closures.
We are surprised to hear that you did not enjoy spending an hour in stopped traffic yesterday. We are even more shocked that your infant child did not enjoy spending an hour in strapped into a snug car seat, sweating and screaming as the sun slowly beat down on her and your car turned into an oven. Did she not enjoy the procession Diwan-mobiles and Chevy trucks with machine guns that went past a full 45 minutes after you had been stopped? Such a selfish child you are raising.
We are sorry that you feel angry and homicidal towards whatever important person is visiting this week, but we must remind you that these guys are Very Important People, and thus their time is more valuable than yours. Their time is also more valuable than that of the 25,000 other folks sweating in traffic, missing their appointments, and slowly wasting precious minutes of their lives.
We are aghast that you have pointed out that perhaps we could chopper them to the palace. Although we spend about as much annually on defence as we do on education and healthcare combined, helicopters are noisy, windy, and dirty. Using a Helicopter might frighten the sensitive VIP’s or depending on what they are wearing treat them to a surprise Marilyn Monroe experience. Don’t picture that…. Stop laughing! Madam this is serious.
We find your suggestion that we could host visiting dignitaries somewhere closer to the airport hysterical and impractical. Really, we fell all over the floor laughing when we read that. Even more entertaining was your suggestion that we schedule their movements so as to avoid peak traffic hours. Surely you realise that would be preposterous, and might inconvenience them or make them late for dinner.
With regard to your young infant, maybe you should buy an insanely expensive car with better air conditioning, or perhaps join the psychic friends network so you could accurately predict what time the blockades will be established on a given day. Then you could schedule your medical apointments for some other time. Because nobody really needs to see a doctor or be on time for a meeting. You should be thankfull that you were not giving birth or having a heart attack you ungratefull wench.
Furthermore, you are not supposed to criticize matters like this. It's not the done thing.
Department of foreign dignitaries visits and traffic inconvenience