Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Overheard in airports and airplanes

Ladies, you already know what I'm talking about.

In any airport, at any time of day or night, in any country around the globe, there is at least one guy who sets his inner cumpulsive liar free the moment he clears security. WHat is the deal with that?

Without further Adeu, may I present the top ten insane lies I've been told in airports by men.

  1. Do you know Area 51? I used to work there, and even the president doesn't know the full extent of what we've discovered. - Middle Aged Waiter , JFK Airport, New York City, 2001
  2. I'm one of the founding partners in Microsoft. - 22 Year Old Guy, JFK Airport, New York City, 2003
  3. These track marks are from the heroin I had to take to avoid blowing my cover when I was a secret operative in Afghanistan. - Junkie, Glasgow Airport, UK, 2002
  4. Even though I'm worth millions, I like to fly Ryanair to keep in touch with the little people. - Offshore Worker, Aberdeen Airport, UK, 2004
  5. I was named one of the top 20 bachelors in Dubai last year. Can I give you a ride to your hotel? - Overweight Married Guy, Dubai Airport, 2002
  6. I'm still trying to bury the memories of what happened to the babies I couldn't save from the ophanage fire - Supposed firefighter, Springfield Missouri Reigonal Airport, USA, 1996
  7. Nah, I'm not in the drugs business anymore, too dangerous. - dweeb who has never smoked a spliff in his life, Denver Airport, USA, 2006
  8. Have you ever seen the movie the professional? Yeah, well that's sort of what I do, you know... Kill people for money and all that. I'm just hiding out in India because things got too hot in New York - British Gap Year student, in a bad New York Accent, in Mumbai Airport, India, 2003
  9. I've invented a new software program that's going to make millions. I'll show you, but don't tell anyone, it's super secret. -Random guy who seems to not understand the idea behind "secret", Amsterdam Airport, Holland, 1999
  10. I am Saudi Arabian Royalty. They ... How you Say?? Umm.. You know? I am Next King? Oppoligise, I am only usually speak Arabic... - Mexican guy who does not speak arabic, Tucson Arizona airport, USA, 1997

Tomorrow, Why I am selling my teenage daughter.


MMK080 said...

What I do not get is why I never get approached by total strangers in the airports like u... You must have given them some kind of signal, suburban... u know, like a wink perhaps? Or maybe u scratched your nose in the moment they were looking and they misread that as an invitation to converse? I don't quite know for sure but what I do know is that I really need to get myself a life and stop writing these essay like comments everywhere.

Good day!

Blue Chi said...

Mo, you need to be a hot girl to get all of these random people talking to you! :P

MMK080 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Undercover Dragon said...

Nice one Sub'. And the attempts to pick you up are almost certainly a fiunction of hotness...

Have you ever played the taxi game? You and a friend get into a foreign taxi, and then start having a random imaginary conversation. Like,

'Hotel X, Please driver'
'OK Fred, now you know the Iranian agent will want to verify that those detonator thrisistors are the right spec, huh?
'Yeah, I checked with HuhWan how it went with the deal in Lisbon last month, and he says the North Korean ones are indistinguishable from the French versions, so we'll be OK. But how are you going to verify the transfer? Through the Cayman island account again?'
etc etc. The object of the game is to put the other person into increasingly complex situations.

Its a really fun game. If you're on your own, you can just play it with a mobile phone too.

Al-Maawali said...

No way! Did people actually say those things? Really?

Either way, that was so funny. And as the others have said, you must be a total hotty to be approached by total random guys and start making up stories (Some that I can actually use :p) just to pick you up.

Cool post :)

Al-Maawali said...

*I forgot to check the "follow-up" box. I did that with this comment :P

Suburban said...

Blu, Mmk--

FUnny you should mention that... I always wondered if I really look dumb enough to belive what they are saying. Hmmm...

I am soooooo not hot and it doesn't really work anyway as a pick up since I'm about to catch a flight to Damascus and they are on the way to say... Arthur, Nebraska. Like "hey, you, compulsive liar... Wanna get it on in a grungy airport bathroom?"


They're just trying it on really. An airport provides a great oppertunity to be someone else, since you'll never see any of the people there again. Liqour likely has something to do with it, eight of these conversations took place in an Airport Bar.

Additionally, I'm an extrovert, so I approach and talk to people everywhere I go. I talk to absolutely everyone.

Airports are my favorite, because I'm guaranteed to get at least one story like this every time. I've heard thousands, it's a great way to pass the time.

Dragon, that's a great game!!! I sometimes play a variant of that in Elevators. Always gets a great reaction.

Al Mawaali- Yes, those are real and the ten best of thousands. I have some edited a bit for clarity, and time has probibaly made them funnier than they really were at the.

Maybe next week I'll do a lame pickup lines in Muscat version, which will make you guys weep. But not in a good way.