Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Another General Update

Firstly... Goddamn, it is hot.

Because it is hot, summer driving techniques apply from 06:00 until 18:00. All pretense of courtesy on the road has been laid aside; which is to say that we are all driving like the truly selfish jackasses we are.

On a similar vein, one can tell a lot about the true colour of a country by examining it's driving habits. We are selfish, selfish, selfish people.

Secondly; We were recently gifted with ten enormous pet turtles. Why someone thought we were the perfect people to have these pets is beyond me, but we are doing our best not to kill the poor things through neglegence or ignorance.

We have (at vast expense) had our entire back garden set up like a sort of reptile Shangri-La, and so far the stupid things seem to be thriving. We throw them thier hideously expensive fresh veggies every day, and feed them thier funny smelling vitamin supplements on the weekends. The princess adores them, and carries them around in her little arms like babies. She even kisses them on thier little reptilian heads, which totally grosses us out.

Anyway, the other day when I went out to feed them I noticed some candy wrappers in the yard. I thought nothing until later that night when the doorbell rang and two of our teenage neighbours were there with one of the Pets. Bafflement abounded. How could the thing have escaped? Short of scaling a 2.5 metre vertical wall, or growing wings, there was no way out of the garden. Then we noticed that four other turtles were missing. Then the candy wrappers and trash in the yard made sense.

The neighbourhood kids scaled the back wall, heisted the turtles in a dawn raid, and blazed out, leaving only a trail of High fructose corn syrup and reflectve caandy wrappers in thier wake. What little shitheads. We got the turtles back the next day, deposited anonymously back into the garden the same way they were removed. The parents must have made them return the things.

While I am on the subject, are there any MD's out there who would like to organise a study of children raised solely on sugar and white bread? My neighbourhood has a few candidates. I offered some of the kids apples a while back and they looked at them like "What the fuck are these?" Then started throwing them around.

OK. gotta go, baby awake. In a couple days, the story of Saudi's in Salalah, and why I hate the Khareef festival.

7 comments:

HijabIsOverrated said...

"I offered some of the kids apples a while back and they looked at them like "What the fuck are these?" Then started throwing them around."

HAHAHAHAH

You need to keep a belt with you at all times. Allah SWT provides you so many chances to spank a childs bad behind.

Per Your Request said...

turtles? why do people burden others with such gifts?
I get plants usually as gifts and they end up as fire wood during the winter, its hard enough keeping myself alive.

Suburban said...

Hijab- I tell you, I would whip the crap outta those buggers, but I worry I might actually kill them in my enthusiasim to retaliate. It's almost better to imagine running them over with my car, repeatedly, or boiling them alive. WHich I would never do, but worryingly, get a lot of Joy thinking about.

PYR- Yeah, what is is with unwanted parting gifts? I could do an entire blog post on unusual "gifts" passed on to me by departing friends.

L_Oman said...

Tee Hee - I just remembered Kool-Aid and Sugar 'samiches' from this post.

10 turtles? For real?

Undercover Dragon said...

Funny post Suburban - glad you're able to tear yourself away from facebook to blog again. You were missed!

Your neighbourhood kids are probably possessed. Maybe spaying them with holy water would help?

Wow, 10 turtles - are they the 80kg Galapogous kind?

Suburban said...

L_Oman Ten, for Real. Bizarre. Kool Aid... I love that stuff!

Dragon: They are about 4-8 inches in Diamater, but should grow to 60+ KG at maturity.

Amber said...

if you ever wanted to loan out some of those turtles, I am sure that my children would be happy to have one.

Love reading your posts.