Sunday, May 18, 2008

A short list of unwanted "gifts" received by me from friends who moved away, and obviously were not too worried about being my friends anymore.

Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but a recent comment from the always entertaining PYR inspired this list of unorthadox gifts received from friends who were moving away. Actually, the title is incorrect, because almost everyone on the list is still my friend.

  • From the British people who used to live next door: A double-wide George Foreman's Lean, Mean, Grilling machine. I have come to love it.

  • From a Highschool Boyfriend who enlisted in the armed forces: A 1970 VW beetle, powder blue, no front fenders. I wrecked it within a week.

  • From the Director of Sales and Marketing for a large corporation I once worked for: A 12" color TV with no antenna, and no remote. Thanks a lot Murray.

  • From a female next door neighbour: slightly used lengerie

  • From an Ex Boyfriend's Boss: A really obese tabby cat named Pookie, that peed on everything I owned, repeatedly.

  • From Punkin Head Jamal, a prep cook from days of Yore: A switchblade, covered in a substance which I think was dried blood.

  • From Evan, another downstairs Neighbour: A Webber BBQ. Which I hated at first, then I learned to love, so much that it moved seven times with me before I could bring myself to give it away.

  • From a friend of Stone's: Ten Giant freaking tortoises, for whom we have re landscaped the yard, and who eat two rials worth of veggies a day.

  • From Greek George, My old downstairs Neighbour: His entire collection of porn. Print and video. It filled Six Boxes.

Have you guys ever received any bizarre gifts?


Muscato said...

Well, the Foreman grill is clearly the star of that lot, the tortoises definitely not excepted.

The bane of my existence has been maid-gifts, which of course you have to keep and display as long as you have the maid. The winner: a figurine consisting of a flocked teddy bear (wearing an actual knit ski cap) rising out of a large red heart with a clock in the middle of it; the bear holding a banner that reads "I WUV U". The whole standing about 20c high.

Suburban said...

Oh my god.... Maid gifts. The horror. That is a subject that deserves an entire databse of it's own.

Bless them.

Thanks for the comment, not only is it hilarious, ( I WUV U) it gave me a chance to track back to your excellent blog. I Love the pictures!

MMK080 said...

"His entire collection of porn. Print and video. It filled Six Boxes."

So thats' where it went! :P

On a serious note... porn? I mean... I am out of words really. Why would he think that you'd want that?

Muscato said...

Thanks for the kind words - but I'm with MMK - more on this porn! Any of it any good? Did it find a good home?

Suburban said...

I had a thumb through the magazines... standard stuff. I didn't have a TV at the time so I have no idea what was on the videos.

George was an awesome neighbour. I've almost never met someone as full of life as him. He had decided to move to the west coast, to try his luck in California, so he had a huge auction / barbeque in the back yard just before he left.

All his friends came by, and bid on the stuff he wasn't taking with him. Unfortunately, the Porn didn't sell, because I think everyone was too embarassed to bid on it.

George had invested a significant sum of money in amassing the collection, and I guess he thought I could sell it on at a pawn shop or something and make myself a couple hundred bucks.

Instead, I had a Barbeque for all my fellow Chefs the next weekend, and sent the men home with a half Box of porn each as a goodie bag.

I.Was.A.Hero. for months afterward.

I could do an entire blog about George, and not run out of material for ten years.

HijabIsOverrated said...

the pron and grills... the most useful by far....

<--- needs to diversify the friends

Undercover Dragon said...

A photo collection of the maid gifts would be hilarious. My kids have a nice collection of useless porcelain figurines collecting dust.

Sometimes I picture these 2 Chinese workers in some slave-factory-sweatshop in China, holding something up and saying to each other 'Who the hell buys this fcuking clap?'

That was what was so great about the flood during Gonu. I could throw a heap of crap out, and blame the flood!