Thursday, November 27, 2008

Live blogging from Work

I'm back in Dubai for work this week. Having a blast, in case you were wondering. The level of Yackity-Yack and gossip is excellent, and the team for this week's boondoggle is really a strong one.

Last night as we were leaving the office, the skies opened up and heaved buckets of rain down. The sky was splinetered with lightning and for an hour it seemed like the world was coming to an end outside the truck. Did it rain in Oman?

More this afternoon, or tomorrow. I'm saving the priceless quotes for an overheard at work post.

Friday, November 21, 2008

When you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail

*this post talks about my sex life, you've been warned*

Stone is back, finally, following a two week business trip! To say I have missed him is a total understatement. By the last day I felt like I was loosing my mind.

It's been a busy month, with me being away for two weeks, a four day overlap at home, Stone going away for two weeks, and in four days I am off again for a four night business trip. I am not sayig sex is the most important thing in a marraige, but it's pretty close...

A month and a half with only eight days in the same country, things were getting pretty dire on the Nookie front. Even the funny smelling night watchman who doesn't speak english was starting to look pretty good. When you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

With my co-workers now temporarily free from sexual harassment, we can all turn to more important issues like turning a profit this month, maintaining the equipment, and forward logistical planning.

Did I fail to mention that I have a Job? Oh! hey! I have a Job! It is Awesome. I lovemy Job, and I really, really, really love my co-workers and boss. They swear at each other constantly, drink far too much, have a completley myopic view on the world, and seem hate everyone who is not One Of Us.

Truly, they are My People.

This is something of a suprise to me because whan I left my former life of glamour and intrigue, I honestly thought I could never be happy again. My life was over. (Cue: GNR November Rain)

Stone got so freaking sick of hearing me whine on and on about how there are no other people I could ever stand to work for, because "normal" people just don't get it. It had never occured to me that there are other feilds of employment where no one is normal, or even remotley sane.

My new boss and co workers are like family and I've only been with the company a month. I would gladly walk across hot coals for any of them, and I think they would do the same for me. The core team is a criminally insane French guy, and Omani guy who looks like an underwear model, An Omani woman who is brilliant and hard as nails, and an Antiopdean who tells dirty jokes and dances like John Travolta. I am home.

OK. that's all for now. More news as it happens.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Crack houses are really under rated

because compared to my current neighbourhood, I would pay really good money to live in a crack house.

Honestly, I have lived in more civilised crack houses.

My neighbours:
  • regularly pick drunk fights in the middle of my street
  • have stolen ALL the logos from my husband's sports car
  • beat thier maids and think it's our fault
  • have stolen our turtles twice, and only returned 70% of them
  • cannot play soccer to save thier life
  • treat our street as thier own personal drag strip
  • own four fucking viscious dogs who bark all day and all night at totally random intervals
  • climb into our cars when we forget to lock them, and leave the headlights on.
  • Honk ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.
  • Cat call and hassle my teenage daughter whenever she leaves the house
  • throw rocks at my teenage daughter
  • Park in my driveway, blocking my access to the garage and the door.
  • After parking all over my yard, clean all the accumulated trash out of thier cars and leave it strewn all over my front yard. THe dumpster/ tip is less than five meteres from the yard.
  • Can't play soccer to save thier lives.
  • and break into my house.

Yeah, no joke. BREAK INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE.

Today I came back from work, and the maid and adolescent said that they had been hanging laundry (within the walls of our yard) , and returned inside to load more laundry / check facebook. The house maid returned to a fewminutes later and discovered two omani teenagers in our kitchen. IN OUR KITCHEN!!!!

Totally random teenagers.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! We dont' know these guys. She grabbed a broom, swung it at them, and they ran.

they could not have wound up there by accident, since they would have had to climb a six-foot boundry wall, walk past the front door, past the side door, and searched the backside of the house for the door that lead to the kitchen in an abviously private villa.

Before you ask... We've called the police, etc...

Anybody want to explain this one, and all the others?

More day after tomorrow.

Friday, November 7, 2008

We're back!

I am thrashed. Really, honestly, and I know I say this every year when I get back, but I am so. freaking. tired. Work was great, and I have returned to Muscat assured that I can still play with the big boys and keep my head above water. I've still got it.

Skills and work ethic aside, the trip featured intense social interaction, moderate public nudity, A (male) leg waxing session using sticky flypaper, coconut and grass skirt wearing Blackwater contractors, and the sort of aggregate sleep deprivation that makes things seem a lot funnier than they really are.

I was delighted to return to Oman in time to see that Barack Obama was elected President of the USA!!!! Finally, after eight years of insanity, maybe things are going to change. As a Naturalized US citizen, who spent 20+ years of her life in America, and who loves America with every single bone in her body, I cried when the result came through.

On a personal level, I would also like to send a few shout outs to the various tactless assholes who, on a daily basis have harassed me, sworn at me, collared me, and said the sort of hurtfull generalizations about Americans that I cannot fathom in my wildest dreams I would say to anyone aout thier race, religion, or country.

I will swear now, you've been warned.

Firstly, to the thousands of assholes who have tole me repeatedly that America could never, ever, elect a black president. Fuck You.

To Nathan, who I met one night at Trader Vics and who's second sentence to me was "I hate Americans." Fuck You, I hate insecure cunts with no manners.

To the many, many, many guests who have come to my home, eaten my food, consumed my alcohol, and spent the entire evening making gross generalizations about America, based mostly on what you have seen on TV. Fuck You. The Jerry Springer Show is NOT representitive of the 300 million diverse citizens of the united states.

To those of you who have repeatedly told me that America does not lead the free world, and neither does thier president. Take a look at the global financial meltdown, oil prices, and the global response to Barack Obama's election. Oh yeah, and Fuck You.

And finally, to the many, many, many of you who belive that Obama won't survive his first term in office, because Americans are just too racist to allow that. I also say Fuck You. Call me in four years, and oppologise.

More from here tomorrow.

P.S>- It looks like the neighbours with the barking dogs are moving!!!!!! It's like my birthday, Christmas, and Eid all rolled into one!