Friday, January 8, 2010

Stone, professional airline pilot extroidinare

I adore my husband Stone. He is talented, witty, sexy, brilliant, an excellent father and an indulgent, considerate husband. It's not just hollow words when I say that he's my whole world, and the perfect partner in every way. We should all be so lucky as to find someone like Stone to spend forever with.

Stone is an indulgent father, and the kids want for nothing. Our littlest asked last month for an airplane, and Stone got straight onto Amazon and ordered her Himself an insanely expensive model airplane with a 5 channel radio controller and a wingspan larger than she is. Because what 3 year old father of a 3 year old doesn't need a giant R/C model airplane?

The airplane arrived last week, and Stone slaved away every evening to assemble the thing. Clever guy that he is, he was not deterred in the slightest by the weirdly translated directions, which when read all together sound like strange coffee-house open mike poetry sessions.
  • The Paster follow the complete picture, it has some technical requirement.... Lerner must flight with the experiential man. Commingle the control switch, It can realise the mode transform of "V" model triangle wing...... Telluric flying off, let the plane in the ground with windward. Increase gun to the most, push pole gently. Fly in spacious ground without obstacle and boscage...
Assembly complete, plans were made for the maiden flight. Stone reluctantly enlisted the help of my father, a long ago type-rated pilot himself and an experienced model airplane builder. Much advice was proffered regarding practice on the ground, restraint in using the elevators, flight theory in general, and the importance of steering with the rudder in the beginning. All of which was, in hindsight, ignored. It is at this stage worth noting that in his various performance reviews Stone is always labeled Confident, cocky, arrogant, and a risk taker. All of which are frighteningly accurate descriptions of my husband.

After scouting possible locations, a local Cricket field was selected. Dad and Stone headed out towards the pitch, and I heard the engine whine as they did some practice taxiing. I think that inside Stone's head, he visualised himself standing tall at the controls, directing the plane in a series of loops and high speed bombing runs over the heads of his rapt audience. Indeed, he would slowly be encircled by an adoring public, awed by his skill and prowess, and seeking out his expertise in all matters model plane related.

A moment later, we heard the engine whine again, and Mom, the kid and I looked over to see the thing take flight! The kid, is who is smarter than you might imagine, immediately placed one hand over her mouth, and one hand over her eyes. My Mom Said, "my god, Stone's Flying it!"! The plane arced upward for about three seconds, and then Stone turned it hard left. As it tilted left, what had been his headwind became a crosswind, grabbing the plane flipping it to vertical, nose down, engine screaming. We all watched in silence as it plummeted to the ground, nose first, with an unsettling crunch.

There was much amusement. We intend to remind him of his excellent flying demonstration on a regular basis for some time to come.


3 comments:

James said...

Oddly enough I had a very similar incident some time ago with a helicopter. This Christmas my lovely wife got me a flight trainer for my computer so I don't repeat myself
http://www.realflight.com/new/interlink.html
Recommend by someone who can actually fly a helicopter and bought from the friendly guys in the Al Khuwair model shop behind the Al Maha service station

Sythe said...

haha - I wish I was there to see that! hahaha!

Legendary. Is it a complete write-off?

Amber said...

sooo...is he trying to reassemble? Or is it completely thrashed?