Tuesday, February 7, 2017

A couple of things that didn't work out quite as I thought they would.

Here is a short list of recent things that did not work out as planned. Perhaps someday I'll compile all of these into a book called "Good Intentions, Disastrous Outcomes. How to think about things before you do them"

1) The first car we bought when we moved back to Muscat was a cool Off-Road toy for Stone. It's Loud, has chunky tires, everything on it is probably illegal, and it's a stick shift so we can just leave it unlocked because that pretty much guarantees it won't be stolen.  We bought the car from a nice young man who works with Stone. The kid is an engineer and has outstanding taste in cars, to the point that I think maybe I married the wrong guy and should have married this classic-car-loving engineer guy instead.  A while back I opened the glove box and found a bottle of cologne that Classic-Car-Loving Engineer guy had evidently included in the sale. Other items were an impossibly soft and furry gearshift cover, two fancy mussars, an Aux cable, car air freshener, and a box of tissues. I figured any man cool enough to have such a great collection of cars would probably smell AMAZING, and I would like to smell AMAZING too so I uncapped that fucker and sprayed it all over myself. Stone described the smell as a cross between something a bouncer at Rock Bottom would wear, and the scent of impending date rape. We ran the rest of our errands with the windows down, and it was two days before the scent was fully banished from my skin.

2) Stone got invited to a dinner thing at the big bosses' house, in order to welcome visiting top brass from the home office. The invitation said spouses were invited, so we booked a babysitter. In a moment of extreme confidence, I grabbed my craziest high heels, my oldest, dirtiest, holiest, most favourite jeans, and a lacey tank. The look I was going for was "I am definitely a former rock star and you guys all want to be my friend because I am exciting and vivacious" The look I achieved was more along the lines of "I am a recovering drug addict with such limited normal life experience that I am unable to dress myself for a dinner party with adults" In order to cope with my nervousness  at being at a party for which I was inappropriately dressed and surrounded by strangers, it seemed like a great idea to get extremely drunk. Fortunately, our hosts didn't have a pool, because given my already stellar decision-making skills, it wouldn't have been too long before I suggested skinny dipping.

That's it for today. Later in the week, we are maybe going to discuss why the guys at Tea Corner are so hostile towards me, even though I am super nice to them. Perhaps you guys can weigh in on that one, because I am baffled.


Jdw said...

Thanks for making the coffee come out through my nose :D

Omani Princess (not Omani...yet) said...

Never, ever (you've known Omanis too long to have an excuse for lacking this knowledge;p) use the random spare bottle of anything in a guy's car. My husband has a dozen of those. They are usually horrible cheap or awful gifts from friends or coworkers that one puts in the car in case the car happens to ever smell like rotten fish or something, and only then would the smell of that crap be better than the surrounding air!!!!! Occasionally the perfumes on the trays in peoples' bathrooms are also risky, although in that case they usually expensive terrible crap, not like the car trash attar.

I throw all out whenever I can.