Monday, March 27, 2017

The 2017 Other Oman Awards! Qurm Edition.

I feel like it's time to throw some praise on the people and businesses who are kicking ass here in Muscat. I also feel it's time to throw some Shade on some of the annoyances and businesses in Muscat that totally Suck. (Almost all of these are in Qurm) 

Hence, I give you the 2017 Other Oman Awards. 

Best Radio DJ
Talal, from Oman FM
(runner up: Faiq on the Mic, Oman FM)
This guy is fantastic. Keep it up Talal, we LOVE you.

Worst Radio Station
From the narcissistic presenters to the playlist curated by mentally disabled tweens, I just die. 

Best Turkish Food
Baba Salem Turkish, Qurm
Y'all, the Iskander Kebabs are legit there. 

Worst Tea and Cheesy Bread Joint
Tea Corner, Qurm
How is it possible to make your employees so unhappy and hostile? 

Best Bread
Le Petit Paris Bakery, Seeb and QCC
The sourdough is the stuff of dreams

Best Falafel
Al Tarboosh, Qurm. Near Al Araimi Complex
Not the falafel Sandwiches, the falafel platter. So Good. 

Best Mobile Phone Company
Oredoo (Nawras) 
Such nice people at the stores to help me and answer my stupid questions.

Best Veggie Garden at a Car Wash
Oman Oil, Al Harthy Complex
From Okra to Eggplants to Bananas to Sugarcane, these guys have an amazing green thumb

Best Florist
Caravans Floral, Al Asfoor Plaza, Qurm
The freshest flowers, the best designs. Give them your money.

Worst New Construction
CCC (currently called Qurum Commerical Center?)
What the fuck are the doing to their already microscopic parking lot? Can anybody explain this to me? Couldn't they just kick out their current tenants, renovate the existing building, and then get in some businesses that people actually want to go to? Seriously.

Best Construction that nobody ever thought would finish, but did.
Sheraton Hotel, Ruwi
Ten goddamn years to renovate. That's straight-up AMAZING.

Best Nail Place in an Unlikely Location
The nail place below the Borders / Travelator at Qurm City Center
Super nice folks, ample parking, intimate atmosphere. Wish I could remember the name of the place.

Best Eggs Benedict
Homemade hollandaise a must. 

Most WTF/ Failing at Hipster Decor in a Restaurant
Shakespeare and Company, Qurm
(Runner-up: Copper, Qurm)
It's like Pinterest threw up in there. 
Most Improved Restaurant
Chilli's QCC
I cannot believe I even wrote that, but they were so bad before. 

Most Tired Restaurant Cliche'
(Runner-up: Food served on tiles or cutting boards)
Enough with the Sliders / Mini burgers. 

Most Annoying New Arrivals
People From Dubai
No, we don't do Brunches. 
No, we are not impressed that you came from Dubai. 
No, in Muscat we do not wear THAT out in public. Doesn't your gym have a changing room?
No, we do not feel we are missing out on anything here except for IKEA.
No, we are not bored.

Most Inexplicably Empty Building
Al Al Harthy Complex, Qurm
I Love that building and the guys who own it. It would make a great location for an IKEA!
Whatever becomes of it, I have so many happy memories there, I hate seeing it empty.

Most Underused PR Communication Device
The nodding Donkey oil pump outside PDO MAF camp / Gate 1
That thing should be lit up and turned on 24-7 with a flashing LED sign that shows what percentage of Oman's GDP PDO produced in the last month. 

Best cakes and Desserts
Iranian Sweets, near CCC
Decadent. And they did a killer Zombie angel Barbie cake for the kid's birthday. 

Worst Investment Decision
Omantel (Worldcall deal)
For quietly blowing over 300,000,000 USD of a publicly traded company's money. 

Worst thing in the Entire World
KFC, Muttrah Souq
A KFC. In Muttrah. Is nothing Sacred? 

Most Improved Hotel
Al Bustan Palace
Wow... Just Wow. 

Coolest "New"  "Resort" 
Muscat Hills Resort, Qantab
Not for Poor People, tho...

Most Interesting Public works / Construction Project
 Pipeline replacement/addition in the Wadi between Al Harthy Complex and CCC and Al Araimi.
Y'all gotta go for a walk through the wadi from Qurm park up to Sultan center, It's fascinating, and gorgeous down there. 

Best VW Bus with an Instagram Account

Best English Newspaper For Oman News
Gulf News
How sad is it that I get the real scoop on what is happening here from a newspaper published in the UAE? 

Worst English Newspaper in the Entire World
Times Of Oman
From Bad to Worse. Do these people even Have an Editor?

Best Chinese Restaurant 
Kung Fu Chinese Restaurant, Fun Zone, Qurm
Ask for the real menu, or go through the secret door on the right and head upstairs. 
Try the water dumplings. 

* Lest you be concerned by my ethics, rest assured that I never accept freebies or offer paid endorsements, and blog Semi-anonymously so most of these businesses have no idea who I am. 

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Overheard in my house.

A while back, one of my neighbours posted something inviting people to list four words every woman wants to hear.

It looked something like this:

Isn't love beautiful?
What Four words would your wife love to hear you say?
Share and post below!

The responses were not particularly romantic, but they were hilarious.

  • The toilet seats' down
  • I brought you food!
  • I'd rather stay in.
  • It won't suck itself...
  • You don't look fat!
  • Brown is your color!
The "It Won't Suck Itself" line SLAYED us. You guys, we died laughing.  Stone has adopted the phrase, and likes to use it every time I give him the nookie lookie, seek out some morning wood, or request a Nooner. It never ceases to be hilarious. 

Last week, I decided to return to horseback riding. I found a great stable, had a couple rides, and asked about the prices for a package deal, where I can ride as much as I want, and have a particular horse that I can sort of call my own. Costs in hand, I went to Stone and suggested that he finance my daily riding adventures. Here's a quick transcript of the conversation. 

ME: Baby! Great News..... Saif has a horse that is the perfect fit for me! 
Stone: That's great news! 
Me: Yeah, I'm so excited! I can lease him so I can ride him every day, and have lessons on the school horses as well! I'm So happy! 
Stone: How much is this happiness going to cost me? 
Me: $XYZ
Stone: You are fucking kidding me.... 
Me: Don't you want me to be happy? 
Stone: Yes, but not that happy. 
Me: Happy wife, Happy Life? 
Stone: My life is already happy.  
Me: Well, It Won't Suck Itself, Baby. 
Stone: Touche'
I am really enjoying my new horse.